by rathbone » 27 Oct 2011, 07:23
Neil was supposed to meet up with L__ and me on Saturday night as usual. We waited around outside Sandy Bell’s for about an hour but he didn’t show up, so we set off down the High Street assuming that he would be at McGoos, but he wasn’t there either. No-one had seen him all night.
Sunday lunchtime I walked along the prom to Kings Road and then up to Craigentinny. Neil’s brother John opened the door.
“Is Neil in?”, I asked.
“You’d better come in”, he said, and held the door open.
Neil’s mum and dad were in the living room with a couple of people I didn’t know. Neil wasn’t there.
“You’d better sit down”, John said.
I sat on the arm of the couch.
“Neil’s dead”, he said.”He’s been in an accident.”
“When?” I asked.
It had been on the Friday night when Mum and I had been at the Little Richard concert. Neil and his cousin were coming back from Neil’s aunt’s in South Queensferry on his cousin’s motorbike. They had gone into the back of a car which had stopped on the Maybury roundabout. Neil and his cousin had both been killed instantly.
I couldn’t say anything. I just looked at them all. There were all sorts of things going round in my head, but nothing would come out.
“Aye, it’s a shock, son”, the woman sitting on the couch next to me said and instinctively put her hand on mine. “John”, she said, “go and put the kettle on.”
This turned out to be Neil’s aunt.
“My Alec was a careful laddie. It was just an accident.”
Neil’s mum didn’t say anything. She and Neil’s dad just sat there and stared at me. I stared back. I wasn’t really looking at them. I wasn’t looking at anything.
Eventually I sort of said “He was supposed to be meeting me and my girlfriend last night, so I thought I’d come along and see where he was.”
John came through with a mug of tea.
“Drink that,” Neil’s aunt said. “It’ll make you feel better.”
I took the tea, but just sat cradling the mug in my hands. I couldn’t quite grasp this.
“He was supposed to be meeting me”, I said again.
John crouched down beside me. “Drink yir tea”, he said. “Like Auntie Cath says, it’ll make ye feel better.”
I took a few sips of the tea and then stood up.
“I’m really sorry”, I said, “but I’ve got tae go.”
Auntie Cath took my hand again.
“You come back again tomorrow”, she said. “We should know what’s happening about the funeral then.”
I stood for a wee while not knowing what to do and then made for the door. John came out on to the landing with me.
“You alright?” he asked.
I nodded.
“You come back the morra, understand?”
I nodded again and went down the stairs. The walk along Fillyside Road to Seafield was like a dream. I found myself at the beach, sitting on the tarmac behind the bus garage crying. It took a while to realise that I was crying.
I have nothing to say and I'm going to say it.